Something I Can't Have
by xjackxdawsonxrosexdawson
Summary: Rose Dawson's thought 10 years after Titanic sank on the fateful night of 15th April 1912. This one-shot is situated in 15th April of 1922.


15th April 1922

Rose P.O.V

I lay wide awake on my bed. It's been 10 years… 10 years. I closed my eyes as I felt tears rushing back. Never did I spend a day without thinking about _him_. Never. It always felt as if _he_ was always beside me, watching me with an encouraging smile on _his_ face, as I fulfilled his promise with each passing day. That was the sole reason why I stayed so strong and firm for the past 10 years. Can anyone see how broken I was inside? How I longed for my one true love?

Sure, I have found another man—a kind and caring one that is. But Isaac Calvert will never understand me like how _he_ did, nor will Isaac ever replace _his_ place. _He_ is my soul mate, my love for eternity. But _he_ had to be torn away from me. All because of that bloody iceberg! The feeling of my heart being forcefully ripped out from my chest when I realised that _he_ wasn't waking up unavoidably haunts me every day. Warm tears cascaded down my cheeks uncontrollably as I thought of a thousand ways that he could be saved. Sometimes I wish I had given up right there and then on that icy night because it hurts, it hurts so much physically and emotionally to spend a day without _him_.

I slowly pushed myself out of bed, careful not to wake Isaac up. I needed to get out of this stuffy room, I needed fresh air, especially tonight, more than anything. I made my way to the balcony and stood there, looking up at the vast and endless night sky, where millions of beautiful stars twinkled. I recalled my life for the past 10 years and how much I enjoyed it. Living by his motto "You have to take life as it comes at you", I've travelled the world, went to Santa Monica, realised my passion and talent in acting, and became a well-known actress. And all this was possible because of him. My life of pure bliss and freedom is only possible because of him. I am reminded of him every day. How can I possibly ever stop loving him?

"Jack…" I whispered, my voice quivering. "Have you seen me? Are you up there right now? Are you proud of me?"

"It hurts so bad Jack, without you here… I only truly love you, why did you have to leave?" I sobbed, tears flowing down my cheeks like the Niagara Falls.

Out of the blue, I felt a sudden gust of warm and gentle wind wrap around me, immediately putting myself at ease. It felt so much like Jack, the warmness, the kindness, the embrace I've never felt in 10 years. Amidst all the tears and sadness, I managed a small smile as my heart felt instantly warmer in the embrace of the wind that reminded me so much of my Jack. I closed my eyes and images of the 3 short yet life-changing days on the titanic flooded into my memory. Once again, I saw his mesmerising and piercing blue eyes that always made me weak on the knees, his lopsided and adorable smile that can light up the entire world, his lean and muscular physique, his beautiful floppy dirty-blonde hair. I got snapped back to solid reality as the soothing wind disappeared as quickly as it came. I slowly opened my eyes and my gaze went back to the stars. I know that the comforting wind is Jack, I know he is here.

Suddenly, I saw a shooting whizz by. And another one. And another one. My watery eyes shone with both happiness and hurt as I relived a memory – a painful yet extremely beautiful one.

"_Look!" I exclaimed excitedly. "A shooting star!"_

_Jack followed my gaze and looked at the sky._

"_Woah, That was a long one," he stated_

"_You know, my popz used to tell me that if you saw one, it means a soul going to heaven." He recounted, his bright sapphire eyes full of wonder as they roamed the limitless night sky._

_I smiled and said, "I like that. And you're supposed to wish on them?"_

_His captivating blue eyes lowered to meet my emerald green ones and he teasingly asked, "Why? What would you wish for?"_

_Sadness clouded my eyes as I looked at him. I knew I can't have him… What's the point anyway? Stupid Cal! Stupid Mother! Stupid first class! I sighed inwardly as I met his gaze. _

"_Something I can't have…" I whispered sorrowfully, my voice on the brink of cracking._

_Jack's mischievous glint in his eyes faded to replace sadness as well. He knew my wish, we both do, and we both knew the answer too._

A harsh and abrupt wind, unlike the comforting one I felt just now, crashed me back into the world I am in right now, an incomplete world, an imperfect world, a world that seems so much smaller without Jack, my Jack Dawson. At this point, the tears that flooded my eyes had completely obscured my vision. I am a strong woman, I don't ever cry, but why does Jack make me like this? Why is god so cruel, to make us fall hopelessly in love with each other, but only to be torn apart when it's only our beginning?

Once again, a shooting star flew by the sky and disappeared in the blink of an eye.

"_What would you wish for?"_ Jack's playful voice rang in my head.

I let my tears flow freely as I reiterated my words that barely came out as an audible whisper. _"Something I can't have."_


End file.
